- Football: The New England Patriot dynasty continues with the most dominant offensive team seen since the 2001 St. Louis Rams (a team which, ironically enough, lost to the Pats in the 02 Super Bowl).
- Baseball: The Boston Red Sox have won their second World Series in four seasons through a combination of, well who am I kidding, through just spending money out their ass.
- Basketball: The Boston Celtics have added Kevin Garnett to Paul Pierce and Ray Allen and look to dominate the East for the next few years.
- College FB: Boston College is sitting pretty in the number two spot with their three quarters lame duck quarterback Matt Ryan.
Now of course all the sheep are wondering how they could have been duped by this "lovable underdog" that opposed the Yankees. Didn't you invalids see this coming?!? It wasn't like New York's number one rival was Podunk, Iowa. It was fucking Boston, Massachusetts!!!! The same city that dominated the the National Basketball Association in the 50s, 60s, and 80s!!! If the Knicks were a less valuable franchise (number one in drawing power and overall worth) you could call the Celtics the Yankees of the NFL!
And of course we have the Red Sox. Don't get me started on the Red Sox. The Red Sox are the biggest fashion statement of the 21st century. Every slutty girl who doesn't know shit about baseball will manage to have a David Ortiz jersey and a fetish for Johnny Damon (unaware that he left the team in 2006). You can find these whores at bowling alleys with loud obnoxious voices and a penchant for urban slang. They know so little about baseball that their idea of a changeup is fucking their boyfriends buddy. So what else makes the Red Sox unbearable other than these idiotic bandwagon sluts that don't even watch baseball games? I'm glad you asked loyal reader. Since the late 1990s when the push for the Red Sox really began in this generation as the ultimate underdog team we were hit with the constant propaganda for how the Red Sox were the anti-Yankees. They were hard working, blue collar, humble, and tough competitors to the Yankees brash, arrogant, overpaid, jerk team. And while I, an impartial Mets fan observer watched from the sidelines, I noticed something: THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE YANKEES AND THE SAWKS!!!! One team has a payroll of 200 million and the other team has a payroll of 185 million! Oh jeez America, some underdog. That fifteen million dollar difference makes Boston a regular pauper. Why not cheer a real underdog like the Colorado Rockies (pre 2007) or the Tampa Bay Devil Rays? I forgot, because America loves underdogs that can win, not real underdogs.
Now on to the biggest offenders of all, the New England Patriots. The team that captured the hearts of America in 2001-2002 after the terrorist attacks of 9/11 and beat the juggernaut known as the St. Louis Rams to win Super Bowl XXXVI. While Boston became aware of this strange sport called football (that they had been previously unaware of and now were suddenly experts on) the rest of us were shocked about how this rag tag group of idiots could continually beat more talented teams like the Raiders (as Brady was blowing the refs between plays to get that garbage tuck rule created) and the Steelers (with Belicheck impersonating Tom Landry with the QB switch and being hailed as a genius for it). Yet they would beat these more talented teams over and over and over again. For the next six years the Pats would become a modern day dynasty and bitch slap my Jets whenever they played. Yet finally in 2007 the rest of the football world finally comes to our side on the position of the Patriots an all they had to do was become the very thing they vowed to destroy, an overpaid team full of greedy superstars to do it. Oh yeah, and to cheat for who knows how long using video cameras and more of Belicheck's evil black magic.
The one final point that everyone tries to make is what a "nice" city Boston is. How hard working and genuine the people are there. Are you fuckin' kidding me? I'm a proud Irishman but that town is basically a 1950s fishing town with a bunch of gangs and racists assholes. This is the same city that loved its basketball team in the 1980s because it happened to be mostly white and a throwback to the good ole days. You know the days when blacks were no where to be found because we were in a racially segregated society. Ah nostalgia.
So America, the next time a bright eyed sports underdog walks your way and smiles that Irish smile, just turn away. The next "small team" that you need to cheer should not be led but an adultering madman, cheered by a racist subculture of drunken fisherman, or masquerading as a small town team with a 185 million dollar payroll, it should be a true underdog. Try the Arizona Cardinals.
