What the hell happened to movie audiences?

As I was watching television the other day (as I often do) and once again had the current problems of the moviegoing public brought to my attention. It started with the Spider-Man 3 commercial. This was the film of 2007. The film EVERYONE had to see. It was being advertised everywhere, it was being jammed down our throats and the fanboys were in full force to support their webhead. (By the way, I do want to go on with a disclaimer right now and proclaim to each and every one of you that I am a massive Spider-Man fan over the age of 14 so I inherently know what I'm talking about in comparison to the majority of the audience which would be either 17 or below in age or virgins.) As I was saying, everyone wanted to see the movie, everyone except me. I had seen the trailers and after being blown away by the second film I was not in any rush to get my eyeballs in contact with this piece of celluloid trash. Why? Because of one big, black reason. Venom. I had absolutely no intention of seeing this mindless, trite anti-hero on the screen.

Before I continue I should explain my hatred of the comic book Venom. Most fanboys love Venom simply because he's an atypical slaughterhouse in a cool looking alien costume. A product of the 1980s "comic revolution". Oh what a fuckjob that was! I will defend the 1980s in nearly every argument but not in comics. Except for Batman there was not one comic series that benefitted from that "dark and gritty" time period. Even Batman had The Killing Joke which is one of the most overrated pieces of garbage I've ever read. Whooo boy Joker is a stand up comedian! What a coincidence that he becomes the "Clown Prince of Crime"!! What's next Alan Moore? Penguin as a zookeeper? Riddler as a gameshow host? Boy, I'm glad the 1960s are over because they sure helped us get over gimmicky villains. Jesus Christ. Anyway, back to Venom. This guy is essentially Wolverine but with Wolverine coming before him so its not cutting edge anymore and nobody gives a shit except pre-teens in 1993 and beyond. So I really had little interest in watching this waste of ink and paper take screen time away from the storyline that the cinematic Spider-Man is really about: Peter-MJ-Harry.

So I grudgingly go see the movie simply because I don't want to be left out of the event of the summer. After seeing the movie I have a massive revelation. I LOVED IT! Perfect summer entertainment. Not only was the character of Venom nearly off the screen the entire time but when he was on it made metaphorical sense and gave the movie a definitive theme that helped define Raimi's action. The idea of Eddie Brock as the mirror image of Peter Parker who was presented with the same oppurtunities and obstacles only to take the other choice and become the villain was a stroke of genius. The action scenes with Goblin and Spider were better than any we'd seen thus far and Thomas Haden Church brought humanity to the Sandman character that filled the void that died with Doc Ock. I expected everyone, who had been so stoked for this movie beforehand, to jizz their pants over it. Yet what happens? America shouts "APOX TO BOTH YOUR HOUSES SPIDER-MAN AND RAIMI!!" There was a total dislike for the movie and the general consesus I got from the intelligent and eloquent public was "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH VENOM WASN'T IN IT ENOUGH BLAH BLAH BLAH, I'M 14 AND JERK OFF IN MY ROOM TO BARBWIRE WITH PAMELA ANDERSEN". It was an extremely intelligent analysis, believe me. But when the internet geek community is upset, they take no prisoners. Somehow Spider-Man's rating was plummeting on IMDB and as well below the geek beloved snorefest known as Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (Hey the third was great and the second was decent, but no one worth their salt in movie credentials has any way to defend the first one). Now I'm not going to push Spider-Man 3 as the second coming of Citizen Kane and it's far from a perfect movie. I realize the flaws in Maguire's acting, from his emotionalizing on the bridge to his lack of specificity in his discussion with MJ. I know that there's about 4 hours of movie packed into a 2 hour frame. I know that Sandman is ripped off as far as screen time goes. And I know that there are too many villains (too hard to cut Venom out?). But those facts still in place, it's still a damn fun movie and it gives you the closure you've been waiting for since the first movie in regards to MJ and Peter and the battle with Harry and Peter. But the geeks were scorned. Their hero had been disgraced and turned into a ::gasp:: three dimensional character!!! It's rating on IMDB would pay.

Yet the most disturbing thing about this public opinion was the next time they would react to a blockbuster. I am of course talking about the piece of drivel known as Transformers. Yes, the movie that became "good popcorn entertainment" to most people and made my eyeballs bleed. Before I even talk about why I hate the movie let me list to you why its an absolute rip-off of Independence Day.

Note: Before all you sci-fi geeks email me to correct me that ID4 was just an updated War of the Worlds rip-off, I am very much aware thank you. The difference between ID4 and Transformers is that ID4 was updating a concept for a modern audience and managed to become a fun thrill ride of a summer movie while Transformers become a crime as bad as ethnic cleansing.

Stolen....errr....Similiarities Between the Two Films

-Attack from outer space.
-Three converging storylines: the millitary story, the connected civilian storyline, and the government storyline.
-The hidden base with two items: One that will help (spaceship, Allspark) and one that will hurt (aliens, Megatron). Yes I know the aliens were dead and the one that attacked them was brought by Will Smith but work with me here.
-Aliens/Robots breaking into our code.
-Connections to past events (1940s spacecraft crash, Megatron in the ice)
-Talking robots....oh I forgot, only Michael Bay was fucking stupid enough to put that idea in hs movie.

What did I hate about it? Other than the horrible acting from nearly every performer save John Turturro who has a look on his face that's basically saying "Wait, I thought this was a Coen Brothers movie", the massively overrated special effects, the lame storyline that felt as pieced together as the toy line that preceded it, the lack of fear that I ever felt from these invaders who seemed like they could barely destroy one outpost in Iraq let alone take over the world, the stupid talking robots who learned our language through XM, and the fact that somehow Shia LeBouf snagged Megan Fox, nothing, nothing at all.

The fact that this abortion of a film was able to win what I like to call the "Summer Blockbuster Race" in the opinions of America massively confuses me. This is the same audience who trashed Dead Man's Chest, claimed Shrek 2 was the greatest comedy ever, and continually goes to see Ashton Kutcher films. I honestly don't know what's next. I'm sure Indiana, Batman, or Narnia will be the best next year and some shitty ass DreamWorks CGI film will win.